Day 5: Decisions

“Be decisive. Right or wrong make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.”

I've discussed at length with my therapist about the theory of “fight or flight”, she told me that there's a third option that most people never talk about and that is “freeze”. Let me tell you, that is the option that I choose the most. It took me forever to pull the trigger on taking this trip, I toyed with the idea for a long time, but it was easier to not make a decision about it then make a decision one way or the other. I'm an expert at doing this in my life, relationships, career, you name it. The only time that I seem to be capable of making a decision is when I'm doing it to help someone else.

I drove to LA today from San Francisco, it was a pretty easy drive, nothing eventful. Honestly I was happy to leave San Fran, it wasn't what I wanted it to be, maybe my expectations were too high. I got into LA and headed to my airbnb, it's a really cozy house with a bunch of rooms set up for multiple travelers, kind of like a hostel but not as dingy. I came straight to my room and I have not left it. I was trying to decide what to do tonight but as usual, I froze. I had multiple suggestions from multiple people, but it was easier not to make a decision than make the wrong one. Honestly I'm scared go out to a bar or club by myself. I'm usually a pretty extroverted person but the thought of trying to talk to complete strangers terrifies me, so I'm not going to.

I'm working on it. Everyone is a work in progress, we're never finished growing, changing, morphing into the person we're supposed to become. For tonight, I think I'm going to stay the same though.